Don't forget 3 Oct 11
by DarkFlameFantasy
Summary: Edward looks back at his actions during the night of 3 October and admits to Alphonse the real reason behind his actions. Written for Fullmetal Alchemist Day. Rated T for swearing and mentions of blood. Parental RoyEdAl!


**Hi again guys!**

 **So I wrote this little one-shot since today is 3 Oct. Actually I wrote most of this last year but didn't complete before 3 Oct then so I kinda abandoned writing it till a few weeks ago but here it is, uploaded on 3 Oct XD**

 ***Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters. I don't own the profile picture. All I own is the story and the plot.**

 ***Pairings: None.**

 ***Important details: Ed is 13, Al is 12, Roy was out that late because he had work to complete at HQ and Ed was near HQ.**

 **Italics represent nightmares and thoughts, I am sure you will pick up when is it what.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Don't forget 3 Oct**

 _The fire devouring their once called home, flames hungrily eating away at the building, erasing their memories; the memories that they stained with their absurd unforgivable actions – his actions. All the memories went through his head, happy scenes he almost forgot jumped to the forefront of his mind but they seemed short-lived when his dad left, his mom fell sick and withered away._

Al sat hunched beside his brother's bed as Ed twisted and turned, clawing at the bed sheets, sweat trickling down his forehead with stray tears leaking from his eyes. It was times like these that made Al want his body more than ever, after all what comfort will cold metal offer to a grieving person – to his brother.

 _You don't have to blame yourself brother, it was both our faults..._ he thought and shook Ed's shoulder.

"Wake up brother, it is just a nightmare"

A whimper was all what he got in return.

 _"_ _You didn't do it to avoid turning back, alchemist"_

 _He swiftly turned around to find himself face to face with a grinning white silhouette. He just stared at it with wide eyes, taking a step back whenever it stepped forward._

 _"_ _No, stop right there!" he yelled._

 _"_ _Why? Are you afraid, kid?"_

 _"_ _Shut up!"_

 _"_ _Are you gonna run away again? Isn't that why you burned your house down? To run away from your mistake?" Truth said in a sickeningly sweet voice that made him shudder._

 _"_ _I didn't run away, I did it to keep moving forward, we won't turn back if we have no home"_

 _It grinned at him._

 _"_ _Liar. You still visit Resembool, you still turn back! You were afraid of what you created! You wanted to erase it, to remove the stains, so you burned it down and ran away!"_

 _"_ _No... no I didn't ... shut up, just shut up!" he screamed, raising his hands to tightly grip his head._

 _"_ _Admit it alchemist"_

 _"_ _You are wrong!"_

 _"_ _You know as well as I do, you wanted to get rid of the evidence, but no matter what you do, your so called mother will always be lurking in the shadows" It said and a sputtering damp noise followed. He slowly and fearfully turned towards the voice and saw a mess of flesh and organs in a pool of blood, stretching a malformed hand towards him._

 _"_ _Ed...ward... why?" It wheezed._

 _"_ _Brother... I can't feel anything..." said a suit of armour, harbouring the soul of his youngest brother and only remaining family._

 _"_ _Help me...Big bro..ther..Ed" called a sweet little voice before turning to a broken whisper._

"Brother wake up!" Al tried again, now desperate as his brother grew more distressed. Ed was violently tossing and turning in bed, whimpers escaping him along with incoherent words.

"Al... sorry"

"Brother wake up"

"Mom...m..my fault... all"

"Brother! Come on, it is a nightmare Ed!" Al yelled and roughly nudged Ed.

"Nooooo" Edward screamed, bolting upright in his bed, looking around frantically and shivering slightly, until his eyes met the glowing red eyes of his brother then he released a shaky sigh and flopped back down on bed.

"Al..." he said wearily while rubbing his face.

"Brother, it was just a nightmare, it wasn't your fault"

"It is my fault Alphonse...Sorry… sorry for burning down our home..." he muttered with his arm shielding his face.

"Brother, I understand why you did it and both of us agreed about it... to move forward"

"Alphonse, that's not why I burned it, I just told you that because I was too much of a coward to admit the truth"

"Brother?" Al cocked his head in confusion.

"Al... I decided to burn it down for two reasons, to move forward yeah, I thought that by burning it, we won't turn back, and it serves as a good reminder for our goals but ... but the main reason was to erase my mistake, that thing we transmuted tainted the house and I didn't want to keep remembering it so I burnt it down Al... Sorry brother" he said with his bangs obscuring most of his face from his brother.

A tense silence followed while Al digested what his brother told him. It was hard to know what to tell Ed when he was this overwhelmed with guilt.

"Brother, I don't blame you for that, we were young and you were afraid, it's fine Ed" _We are still young, brother..._ He couldn't bring himself to say that part out loud though.

"Yeah Al, thanks and I promise I am going to get your body back, no matter what it takes"

He glanced up at the clock. It read _2:18 am_ ; he sighed, got out of bed and started gathering his clothes.

"Brother?"

"I am going out for a walk since I don't feel like sleeping" he mumbled tiredly.

"Are you sure, brother? It's late you know, I don't think that it's a good idea to go –"

"Alphonse, I want to have some time alone and you know that I am capable of defending myself, so drop it"

"Okay, brother but please take care and don't take long" Alphonse said in a low timid voice with his head bowed down.

Ed's eyes softened before he went up to his brother and knocked his chest plate affectionately. "Don't worry Alphonse, I will take care" He said, flashing him a goofy grin before disappearing into the bathroom.

Al sighed as his brother went back to his facade, trying to act as if nothing was wrong with him but Al could see through it all, Ed's eyes were his weakest point – the crack in the mask. Al could always know what his brother's feelings are, just by looking at his eyes and all he could see right now was deep sadness and regret.

After around 10 minutes, Ed came out dressed in a simple white, long-sleeved shirt and black pants.

"Don't you want anything to eat brother?"

"Thanks Al but I am not hungry"

"Alright brother..."

"See ya Al" he said and left.

* * *

Once Ed left the dorms, he dropped his fake smile and his eyes dulled. He couldn't help thinking how everything he did caused harm. That was always the case on this day; he would reflect on his mistakes and add more to the list ... like Nina... He took out his pocket watch and flicked it open. _Don't forget 3 Oct 11_ was engraved on the inner side of the lid, he would never forget that date and never forget his mistakes no matter what happened, he will carry the burden till he gets Al's body back.

He was so lost in thought that when he finally came around it was raining buckets but he paid it no heed. _You deserve it_. He kept on walking through the empty streets and alleyways of Central. Every sane person was asleep in a warm house but he had no intentions of going home- shelter anytime soon, he had no home other than the blackened remains of his old house at Resembool. And so he kept trudging forwards while berating himself on almost every action before he reached a familiar alley near Central HQ, funny that that's the place his legs led him to, though he would usually leave this very same place on hot heels to get away from everyone there. It isn't that he hated them or anything. He just couldn't afford getting too close to people because it has always hurt him _or them_ at the end.

He slumped against the rough wall of the alley and took out his pocket watch; he opened the lid and stared at the date engraved there for a moment before shutting it then flicking it open again. He did that a couple more times until he fell in a rhythm of soft clicks.

Click… click… click

Click _You killed your mom a second time_

Click _You forced your brother into the biggest taboo_

Click _You trapped him in a feelingless steel body_

Click _You burned down your house with all its memories_

Click _You sold yourself to the military_

Click _You couldn't save a single little girl_

Click _You sustained your brother with empty promises_

Click _And you are no closer to your goal more than you were 2 years ago_

Slam

All of a sudden, he threw his watch against the opposite wall before it fell down with a thud. He was just fed up of it all, fed up of screwing up, fed up of carrying the burden and knowing that it's his fault, fed up of letting Al down and fed up of being alone. In one swift motion, he launched at the wall and started punching it with all his might, his automail denting the wall while pain shot up through his flesh arm as he scrapped his knuckles but he was beyond caring, if pain will help him release his bent up guilt, sadness and anger then so be it, that pain was nothing compared to what he put the people around him through. And so he kept punching and punching without slowing down. At some point, tears started streaming down his cheeks before he hastily wiped them away, leaving blood smears across his face and went back to punching the wall, the pain became unbearable but he just pushed forward until he no longer felt the pain, until he had no more tears left, until he was totally numb, just punching the wall while his thoughts were a million miles away.

Suddenly he felt a hand grabbing his flesh arm, stopping its decent. He rounded at the person while muttering curses at himself for letting his guard down, his automail was raised ready to sock his assaulter but he froze as his dull golden eyes met onyx ones.

"Fullmetal, what on earth are you doing?" Roy demanded, his eyes travelling along his young charge's body. He was wearing a simple white shirt along with his black leather pants. His clothes were dripping wet, his hair loose and cascading down his shoulders. Blood stains were covering his white shirt, his body hunched and face covered with dirt, tears and blood, but what startled him the most were his eyes. They were so dull and lifeless, contradicting his usually bright and fierce gleaming golden ones; it was as if someone snuffed the fire that was held in his eyes, leaving just empty orbs. His hand was a mess, full of cuts and bleeding gashes.

"Nothing" That one word was said in such a hoarse whisper that Roy had to strain to hear him and when he did he was beyond furious, what the hell was wrong with the kid?!

"Nothing? Is that all you have to say? Look at yourself Fullmetal! What the hell have you been doing?" Although he yelled that, he wasn't able to hide the concern lacing his words.

But all Ed did, was drop his head down and stare at the floor. When Ed didn't yell back, Roy's worry increased ten folds because no matter what mode Ed was in, he would yell back, say something like 'it's none of your business' or 'you don't understand' but all he did was just stand there and slump further against the wall and Roy almost wished that the boy would yell at him or even rant about him being useless in rain but alas.

"Edward, look at me" he demanded softly but Ed just ignored him and kept his head bowed down.

"Come on, Ed, say something. Where's Alphonse?" he coaxed but he was just met with silence.

"Edward? Alphonse is okay, isn't he?" Roy asked suddenly panicking, what if Alphonse was missing? Or worse what if he was dead? That sure could drive Ed to this state.

"Yes… at the dorms…" Ed whispered and relieve coursed through his body at knowing that the younger Elric was safe but the feeling didn't last more than a moment before his thoughts drifted back towards the older Elric and his current state.

"Okay Ed, tell me what's wrong?" But Ed just shook his head.

Roy sighed before slipping off his black coat and draping it over Edward's shoulders.

"Come on kid, we need to get out of this rain. My place is near enough and I don't think you want Alphonse to see you like this" he said softly as he guided Edward towards his house, the boy silently following him.

After around 10 minutes, they reached Mustang's apartment where Roy fished out his keys and unlocked the front door, letting Ed inside and locking up again. He switched on the lights and urged Ed to one of the chairs before rushing to get the first aid kit from the bathroom. When he came back he found Ed sitting in the same position he left him in, his eyes gazing upwards, staring into space.

He advanced towards him and gently grabbed his injured hand.

"I am going to clean your hand then you can go have a shower" Ed just nodded numbly at him.

His hand wasn't bleeding anymore but it looked gruesome and had to be cleaned from the dirt and blood. Mustang took a clean towel and soaked it in water before carefully cleaning the gashes on Ed's hand.

"Thanks" Ed mumbled when he was done.

"No problem, just go have a shower then we can disinfect and bandage it. I am going to get you some dry clothes to change into or else you will catch a cold"

The boy just nodded and headed towards the washroom after Roy gave him a fresh change of clothes.

* * *

While Ed was having his shower, Roy went to the phone to inform Alphonse that his brother was okay and that he would most likely spend the night at his place because of the rain.

 _"_ _Alright, thank you sir"_

"Alphonse, may I ask what's bothering Ed? It seems something serious to him"

 _"_ _It's just today is a umm... a hard day for us …"_

"Alphonse, what's wrong?"

 _"_ _Sorry sir, but brother won't like it if I tell you… It's something personal, sorry"_

"Okay Al, but are you okay?"

 _"_ _What?"_

"Are you feeling okay Alphonse?" and both of them knew that he didn't mean his physical state.

 _"_ _Oh yes, thank you for worrying sir"_

"Alright Alphonse, take care"

 _"_ _Thanks, you too sir, good night"_

Alphonse closed the phone with a soft click and felt his heart swelling with warmness. He didn't know if it was too childish but he felt comforted and became more at ease after hearing Mustang's concern for him too.

* * *

After a while Edward came out of the bathroom, with a baggy shirt and long loose pants. His hair was dripping wet over a towel resting on his shoulders.

"Edward come over here" Roy called to him from the couch gesturing for him to sit. Ed trod softly towards him and sat beside him with blank expression.

"Give me your hand Ed"

"You really don't have to-"

"It's okay, come on"

Ed hesitantly offered his hand to Roy who gently applied disinfectant to the cuts, electing a small hiss from Ed.

"Sorry, just hang on for a bit" he said as he continued his treatment then bandaged Ed's hand.

"Thanks" Ed said before his eyes drifted to the fireplace in front of him. The flames were dancing around and radiating heat then suddenly Ed was no longer in the living room at Roy's house but was at Resembool in front of the hill where his house was burning and crumbling, being devoured by greedy flames, glowing and illuminating the night sky a bright scarlet orange. No words were exchanged and the only sound was Winry's sobbing.

And so they stood there, Al in a cold shell and Winry crying for them, he watched the flames licking away at his house, taking away the memories and robbing them from whatever was left of their old lives, knowing that it was his fault anyways...

"Fullmetal?"

"Hey, Edward, Ed! Snap out of it"

"Edward!" Ed wiped his head to look at Mustang and for a second he stood there wondering what was wrong, why was Mustang yelling and looking at him with a concerned expression then he felt dampness on his face and realised that he had spaced out and was now crying as the memories hit him all at once. He tried wiping his tears but it was in vain as more kept flowing, a distant part of him was screaming ' _You idiot, you're crying in front of Mustang of all people'_ but he just couldn't seem to stop. He knew he looked pathetic but he couldn't stop the tirade of emotions coursing through him. Strong arms were grasping his shoulders and squeezing comfortingly, he slowly looked up with tearful eyes and his gaze was locked with Mustang's soft one before he was pulled against a broad chest in a warm hug. He stiffened before relaxing in his superior's arms, he tentatively clutched the front of Mustang's shirt and cried for everything, soaking all the comfort he could get from the man who was there for him far more than his own father was.

They stayed in that position for a couple of minutes until Ed's sobs died down to sniffles and he pulled away from Mustang.

"'M sorry" he mumbled while rubbing his eyes then looked away.

Mustang grabbed Ed's chin, turning his face towards him. "There's nothing for you to apologize for" he said and gave him a warm smile.

"Now tell me, what's wrong kid?"

"Nothing important–"

"Anything that hurts my subordinates is important to me"

"Colonel…"

"Speaking about it will make you feel better" he pushed.

"Colonel… When I first got my state certification, I burned down our house at Resembool on the 3rd of October 1911, I told Al that it was to move forward, to not turn back but … I did it cause I was afraid, afraid of what we created in that house… afraid of my mistake that tainted all our memories there so I did it to run away from it… Is does that make me a… a coward?" he asked hesitantly, looking up at his superior.

Mustang stayed silent for a moment before asking "Did you tell Al this?"

Ed nodded "Told him today before going out"

"Does he blame you?"

Ed shook his head 'no'

"So it's okay"

"But I –" Mustang raised a hand to stop him.

"Would you blame a kid for running away from the dark? Or for running to their parents after a nightmare?"

Ed gave him a confused expression and shook his head.

"Then don't blame yourself, kids run away from their fears, you ran away from yours back then, but you know what? You put all what you got into fixing that mistake and that's all that matters Ed"

"I am trying to fix it, but I am not even close to getting Al's body back, it's almost impossible colonel, all our leads are dead ends and Al is the one suffering for it!" he said frantically.

"You can't lose hope Ed, you will find a way, Al trusts you, the team trusts you and I trust you"

"But–" he was again cut off by the colonel, this time by him leaning in close and whispering to his ears "The 3rd of Oct is a supposed to be a reminder to push you forwards, not a burden that drags you down" Ed's eyes widened before Mustang grabbed his hand and pushed a round object into it. When Ed looked down, he found that it was his pocket watch. Apparently Roy found it on the ground from when Ed threw it and got it with him. Edward looked at up at him, eyed filled with gratitude and a smile slowly graced his features as he heard Roy's next words.

"It's okay to grieve kid, just don't let the guilt rule you, what's done is done, you can't change the past so work for your present and future Ed, and know that we will always be there for you"

* * *

 **Aaaannndd there it is! XD**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed. If you have any ideas that you want me to write, just send them to me.**

 **See ya next time!**


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